Cracks in the Porcelain

Shadows
Darkness
Sadness
Hopelessness
These are my constant companions in life.
The emptiness.
It's like a curse.
It goes away for a little while
But it always comes back
The moment I start to feel happy
The instant I begin to have hope
It hits me like a wrecking ball
I fall over
I crack
Pieces of me fall off like a porcelain doll thrown against a wall.
Happiness doesn't exist.
Hope is an illusion.
Struggle
Survival
These are the only real truths.
After thirty years of lying to myself it's time I accept that.
All the Photoshop in the world can't paint this away.

Pin Pricks and Blood Spots

Get the needle, get the the pin,
get the sewing kit lets begin
No thread necessary, this is good,
no strings, all we need is skin and blood
Just listen to us little bird, listen to the voices that whisper dark
Listen to us as you stab and scrape feeling the sharp
Pins and blades in your skin,
make the lines so red and thin
No one will notice a shoulder, a thigh
Good. just wait for the blood to dry.
We'll speak again soon little bird, just you wait.
You'll feel the metal kiss again, you'll see, it's a date.